"I Can Do What I Want, but I Can't Do it Now." or "I am Easily Influenced by the Books I read"

I know this is not a pipe, it is a picture of a pipe, but that doesn't change the following fact:

I want a Pipe.

The obvious response to this statement would be "Well then go get a pipe."

Ah, if only it were that simple. You see the GLW does not want me to get a pipe and abhors any form of tobacco use whatsoever, academically I agree with her but practically...

To preface this I should say that I have been battling a minor smoking habit (read nicotine addiction) for the better part of the last two years. Sometimes successfully sometimes not. The unsuccessful periods due in large part to Nicotine's good friend Alcohol. That is not to say I've only been smoking for the last 2 years, no far from it. I smoked intermittently during the latter years of High School, stepped it up a bit during my time in the Marine Corps and fratastically increased my smoking while at university.

At least while I was smoking in the Marine Corps I had a fairly legit excuse. Don't get me wrong I loved my time in the Corps, but the fact of the matter is that Military life consists primarily of two things: "Hurry up and Wait" (Long periods of inaction punctuated by brief, intense movement) and mundane, but taxing, physical labor. Both are highly conducive to developing a smoking habit, the former in an obvious manner, the latter not so much. In the case of the latter perhaps some explanation is in order. Picture this scenario: you are building a seemingly endless sandbag wall in some unnamed and arid environs. You are exhausted but daren't ask the NCO in charge to go stand under yonder shady tree for five minutes. Your fellow Devil Dog goes up to the Sergeant and asks for a smoke break and low and behold your fearless leader acquiesces. Now what do you do? Do you keep toiling in the sun like a fool? No. You go have a damn Cigarette.

As to my smoking in college: I was drunk all of the time. Enough Said.

I digress, as to my smoking now: The GLW has agreed that I can get a pipe when I'm thirty provided I've packed in the stogies and it's only for occasional use. Enter Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. Sherlock Holmes smokes a pipe (and cigarettes and cigars and injects Cocaine, but that's besides the point) and he solves mysteries AND he's a national Hero. I of course feel the deep an inexorable need to emulate my literary man-crush and thus I want a pipe now.

There's something incredibly enchanting, even more so in this blustery weather, about pensively puffing on a pipe while pondering life's great questions. Rolling my thoughts around in my head as I roll the smoke around in my mouth, gazing furtively in to the great beyond and blowing smoke in fate's face. I've waxed poetic enough I think, but to the case at hand my recent reading of The Complete Sherlock Holmes has provoked me to repeatedly drop hints reminding the GLW of her promise to let me buy a pipe (and presumably tobacco) in the coming decade. These comments she's dodged nimbly or blatantly ignored until I cornered her yesterday. To whit her response "You can do whatever you want!" in the blink of an eye several thoughts flashed across her face "You just cant do it Now!"

I'm scared, I don't know exactly what that means, but I'm pretty sure it's a trap. I'm going to apply Mr. Holmes' vaunted method of deductive reasoning to puzzle this one out and get back to you. Until then I may be stuck with post-modern pictures of pipes.

-T